Shameless

I wish I could be shameless

about the things in my heart

that are begging to be expressed.

 

My heart is eager and willing

but I am not.

I hold her back

like a traumatized parent,

terrified of the world “nowadays”,

saying to her child,

“Don’t do that,

They’ll hurt you.

Don’t show your raw aching heart to them,

They’ll hurt you.

And you’ll feel so cut up inside.

You won’t want to exist.

 

You’ll feel

that same burning shard in your chest

when people see who you truly are.

Trust me, Babe, you’re better off pretending

and hiding

and concealing the wildfire that glows inside you”

 

joshua-newton-275881-unsplash

 

But my heart,

like a rebellious, wise child

untouched by the world’s viciousness,

Takes my hand

and smiles, saying

“It’s okay, Mama love.

We are safe.

We are safe now.

And we will always be safe.”

 

 

 

 

Cover Photo by Kyle Peyton on Unsplash

Fire Photo by Joshua Newton on Unsplash

 

 

Advertisements

A Reminder To Myself

jony-ariadi-209528-unsplash

“There is a basket of fresh bread on your head, yet you go door to door asking for crusts.”         

— Rumi

Sometimes (or if I’m being real here, OFTEN times), I forget about the spark of divinity that lives within me. The same spark of divinity that lives within all of us, regardless of religion, gender, or race.

And I think I often forget because it’s so easy to believe that your worthiness depends on your looks, your accomplishments, your career, what clothes you’re wearing, or how much money you make a year. Based on how much praise, respect, and admiration we give those who are seemingly perfect and beautiful and rich and happy, it’s easy to convince yourself that if you’re not any of those, you aren’t worth anyone’s time. That you have to fight to prove yourself in this world. To be seen. To be heard. To feel valued.

But frankly, I’m tired of that. I’m burnt out from it.  I’m exhausted. And I think I’m done playing that game. I want to unwind from all that.

With that, I truly believe there is a better way. An easier way. Trees have no trouble growing tall and strong. Flowers have no trouble blossoming in the spring. Nature all around us effortlessly thrives. So why should we constantly have to fight our way to happiness? Why can’t we trust in this power, that same power that forms little babies in a womb or makes seeds into big oak tress, to lead our lives for us? I certainly want to, but like I said, I often forget.

I write to keep myself sane. I write because sometimes I need that internal voice in my head to be written down in physical form so I can actually pay attention to it. And I find that when I don’t write, I’m either depressed, repressed, or suppressed.

I also write to remind myself of things I’ve fallen in love with. Things that make me happy to think about. Like destiny. Or the Universe. Or God. Or the truly wonderful blessings that are always in my life. And how I’m already amazing. And how everyone else is already amazing. And we don’t need to be anything else but how we are, exactly in this moment. With all of our flaws and struggles and issues. Beautiful, divine chaos!

Kisses & Meows,

Gretchen

 

 

 

Photo by Jony Ariadi on Unsplash

Introducing: OVERCOME RESISTANCE DAILY PLANNER (free pdf)

Hello there!

Do you have a wildly amazing vision for your life?

Are you eager to pursue this vision, but find there are certain mental blocks holding you back?

That was exactly me. Actually, that’s still me right now. I wake up with a rush of excitement and eagerness to move closer to my dreams, but it quickly disappears when I think of all the individual steps I need to take to actualize those dreams.

I procrastinate. I pace around my house. I snack on junk food. I criticize myself endlessly.

There is this tension that occurs when I try to sit down and do anything meaningful, anything that’s worth doing. I’m still a big believer in “following your joy” but I know that it’s not always that simple or black & white.

Sometimes what we need to do the most gives us the most pain and anxiety.

And that’s okay.

I created this daily planner for people like myself who feel the pain & resistance of doing the work that we are called to do in this life.

The path to create an amazing life and share our gifts with the world is not always sunshine and cupcakes.

A big focus of this planner is to identify your resistance traps and how to overcome them. However, I can’t tell you what your exact forms of resistance are or how to overcome them. Only you can.

Examples of resistance would be any vice, addiction, or perceived limitation. The moment you decide it’s impossible, then it is.

For example, one resistant trap that I’ve been writing down for myself is always trying to achieve perfection, which is so frustrating since this is virtually impossible. Nothing will ever be perfect. And so for me, nothing ever gets done. Or if it does, it’s never good enough in my book.

A strategy of trying to overcome this block is to instead go for “finished” or “good enough”. I wrote down on my planner that there is no point to any of this if what I’m trying to create isn’t finished and shipped out to the world. All that hard work is wasted when it’s not shared.

A huge inspiration for this planner was Steven Pressfield’s popular book, “The War of Art”. Reading this book has changed my life and the way I approach my work. I’ve converted some of the ideas into practical, no-nonsense steps. I highly recommend reading this book to gain deeper understanding of how to overcome resistance blocks.

In addition, I’ve incorporated some of my own tricks that help me get through the boring, yet necessary chores of life (mundane chores infused with joy).

Below is a link to the pdf. It contains a little note from me, an example of how to use the planner (one that I’ve written and actually used in my daily life), and a blank one for you to fill out in whatever way you want.

This planner was crafted with love and made to support your highest visions. Thank you for taking the big leap of faith with me to bring the unmanifested into the world.

Kisses & Meows,

G

One of my own daily planners that I’ve filled out:

Resistance Daily Sample

Overcome Resistance Daily PDF download: UWisdom_OvercomeResistanceDaily

 

Photo by Cassie Boca on Unsplash

Feeling Stuck? Here’s What You Can Do.

I know you. You’re a dreamer. You know you deserve a wonderful life and you’re not willing to settle for anything less. You have a vision for yourself and will do anything it takes to make it into your reality. You want to be out there, dancing and playing inside the beating heart of life. You want to do what you love and leave the rest behind.

The Prison of Tiny Things That Don’t Matter

But often, you are too overwhelmed. You are bogged down by the details and trivialities of life. You’re standing there, washing your dishes, tidying up your house, with the fiery urge to get out and do something. You’re stuck inside the house, studying a bunch of words in a huge textbook or staring at the lifeless screen of your computer, while looking out into the bright weather, dreaming of being out there. But you can’t be out there. Because you’ve got to be a great student, you’ve got to have a tidy, perfect house, you’ve got to be a great employee, you’ve got to make that money. This isn’t an attempt to dissuade you from your own disciplines. This is an attempt to challenge your current boring as fuck patterns and liberate yourself from the things that no longer serve you. Most of us don’t realize that we hold the key to unlock the door and walk out of this prison of tiny little things that don’t matter.

When Their Values Supersede Your Own

I have learned over the years that I do not thrive in the academic setting. It’s so rigid. There are too many rules, too many deadlines, too many details, too many regulations over bullshit things. There was literally no room in my life to actually go out with friends, explore, enjoy, and spontaneously do things without having to think of that big exam coming up soon, or that assignment that’s due at midnight.

I understand why they have these systems in place—to cultivate a sense of discipline and excellence in their students. Fine. Great. That works for some, but not for me. To me, it’s like a suffocating chamber, with walls that are slowly closing in on you. The values upheld by academia do not resonate with me whatsoever, but yet they were pushed upon me and I felt forced to live them.

Knowing what your personal values are can be the key to crafting your own wonderful life. I had the awesome experience of discovering my own values by experiencing the contrast academia had provided me. However, after realizing this difference, I still felt like I was stuck. I needed to get through school in order to become a nurse. There seemed to be no other way out of this.

When Old Patterns Stop Serving You

Here’s another example: I really love to read books. However, before I allow myself to enjoy a book, I make sure everything around me is organized. I tidy up my room, I check my emails, I clean up the kitchen. I can’t sit down, read, or enjoy until everything is all in its proper place.

Unfortunately, I can get so involved in these little things, that I end up wasting away precious time for my book. And when I sit down to read the book, I’m already too spent and stressed from all of it.

One day, after doing something like this for the hundredth time, I sat down and thought about what had just happened. Did it really matter that my room was clean before I read? Did it really matter if all the dishes were washed? Did any of those things matter? Why did those boring things take priority over what I truly wanted?

Am I am willing to be a less tidy person, if it meant that I could spend more time doing something truly meaningful for me, like reading a wonderful book?

When we aren’t feeling fulfilled in some area, we must look to see where most of our energy is going. It’s up to us to stand up for what we truly value, and let the rest go. We don’t have to put so much pressure on ourselves in becoming great at things we really don’t care about.

Am I looking to fulfill a career at cleaning people’s houses? Does an extremely clean and tidy house make me any happier? No.

Then why is so much of my energy going towards this?

Learn To Be Okay With The Mess

 I’m slowly learning to be okay with an untidy house. I’m learning to be able to enjoy a book in the midst of a cluttered room because I know that my own personal energy is limited and I won’t be able to be perfect at everything. 

 It’s okay if you highly value your social life, which makes you a slightly less excellent student. It’s okay to prioritize your reading, which causes your room to be a bit messier than usual. It’s okay to leave a few dishes piled up if it means you get to enjoy more time with your boyfriend after dinner. All of those little things we really don’t value in the long run and those things that don’t give you that juicy satisfaction can wait.

You can afford to be bit messier, a bit later, or a bit crazier if it means you get to spend more time and effort doing the things you truly enjoy that enrich your life. It is absolutely impossible to be perfect at everything, so might as well play along with this simple truth and do what you love most. So let your kitchen be a little disorganized. Let your clothes have a few extra wrinkles. It doesn’t matter. You can afford it. The world won’t explode into chaos. 

Prioritize Your Values

Connections and relationships mean a lot to me. However, with the way my life was heading with school, it seemed like these other values were forced to be my top priority. The most important things in my life were being suppressed, and as a result, I wasn’t a very happy person.

Your values are part of your connection with yourself. And my connection with myself was severed and weakened. I felt absolutely stuck. But then I decided to entertain the idea of being okay with being an imperfect student. I learned to be okay with being a bit messy, if it meant I had more time for my friends and family. I learned to be okay with being a bit late, if it meant I could have a wonderful morning savoring my breakfast. I learned to be okay with sucking at one area in order to be better in another area—an area of my life that actually mattered to me. Because at the end of my life, when I looked back, I won’t say: Man, I’m so proud of myself for always keeping a tidy room! I’m so proud that all of my papers for school were submitted on time! Oh God no. I want to remember the genuine connections I had with people and the wonderful adventures I had the pleasure of experiencing.

This doesn’t mean I’m going to stop focusing on school and start failing classes. This doesn’t mean my house is going to become a pig sty now. It simply means I’m choosing to direct the majority of my energy towards the things that add richness to my life and be okay with the rest just meeting the bare minimum.

So what’s important to you? What are trivial things in your life you are devoting too much attention to? What are areas in your life that you love that you aren’t giving much attention to? What are some personal values you aren’t honoring right now?

Kisses and Meows,

Gretchen

Opening the Door for Inspiration

I’m the type of person who reads a million books at once and may or may not finish each one completely. Sometimes, a book leaves me with such a good-feeling thought or concept that I just have to stop reading, put the book down, and really immerse myself in the idea. And then, I’ll walk away from the chair or the couch and really think about the concept and may even try it in my own life. Which leads me to another thought about something, and that leads me to start another book regarding that topic, and then that inspires me to go out and read another book. So by the end of the day, you have a bunch of books split face down on your desk and you don’t know what to do with yourself. But then a thought occurs to me and it says, “that’s what Spirit does. It gives no fucks.” And a smile spreads across my face and I embrace the untidy, scattered mess of it all.

The Spirit of Inspiration is messy. It starts things and sometimes jumps to other things mid-way. At least, that’s how it has been for me during my lifetime. I used to dislike it, because my family would always comment about how I would be infatuated with one thing for one month and completely ditch it for something different the next month. And so, I learned to not like this about myself. As I grew up, I decided to only start things if I was going to finish it. But that just ended up being a horrible idea, because at one point in time, I just literally had no inspiration left in me. I had no drive to really do anything. I had shut the doors on Inspiration and it made my life motionless and gray.

But one day, I decided to open up a window for Inspiration. And after staying closed and dusty after the cold dead winter, this window let in warm, radiant rays of light that almost looked somewhat familiar and satisfying to me. Slowly, I opened up more windows and eventually said, “Oh the hell with it!” and just swung open the door and was met with Inspiration at full force. Oh the glorious, sweet warmth of the sun! It feels so wonderful to let you back in. And now, I welcome you—the complete you—exactly as how you want to present yourself to me, Inspiration. So if your plans are to tear it up and lead me to start a bunch of things spontaneously and bounce from one thing to the next, to the next—I will. Because a life that is colorless and stagnant is not life at all.

Welcome back, Spirit of Inspiration.

Kisses & Meows,

Gretchen